When we are in the depths of despair or stuck in a freeze state, it’s rare to feel hope. The possibility of the ever overcoming the difficult situation seems like a far-off dream. In no other therapy modalities is the facilitator trained in offering hope the way we are in Internal Family Systems (IFS). And I believe that this is one of the most important aspect that brings healing to the people who work with IFS trained practitioners.
It is the protective parts – our managers and firefighters – that are the most armored and therefore, resistant to let go of their protective strategies. We cannot get access to the exiles (the most vulnerable parts of the system) without getting the buy-in from their protectors.
To imagine what it must feel like to feel hope after years, sometimes decades of suffering is not easy. It’s almost as if the brain has lost the connections that inspire hope. So when hope is offered by the practitioner, many times the protective parts react with disbelief and that is normal. We even expect that reaction. We, then address their fears and concerns by reassuring them there is indeed a way that is available if only they can receive what we are saying with a little interest. This vision of a possible easier alternative, this hope, is a new feeling for our protectors. The tenderness we feel towards a protector when it finally allows a taste of hope is the reward for all the hours spent gaining their trust.
Some offerings of hope may sound like this:
“I have seen this before and have successfully helped clients move out of the shame spiral, would you be interested in letting me try this with the one you protect?”
“Would you be interested in letting us get to know this young part, if we could help release the helplessness it feels?”
“You can come right back to your original stance if you feel that what we are aiming for isn’t working. Would you be willing to let us help the little one?”
The aim of Internal Family Systems is to establish a stable Self to parts connection such that there is a sense of integrity in the system. All the parts feel as though they belong to the system and are equally important. The parts trust the Self as the leader who values them and recognizes their contributions. To bring a clients’ system to this level of integration is a rewarding feeling for the practitioner as well. To be a hope merchant and get buy-in from the parts is truly inspiring. There is no greater joy than witnessing the potential of each person’s true nature come to fruition.
Leave me a comment if you resonated with this article, it will make my writing parts gleeful 🙂
I enjoy this work immensely and am offering IFS groups this September for those who would like to experience group therapy. You can sign up at https://www.creative-authenticity.com/events/ Each group will contain 4 participants only, so if you can make the dates, do hurry and claim your spot.
I look forward to meeting you and your parts. More info in this poster below
