The power of being heard

How is it that this isn’t a basic human training? To listen and to offer space to be heard.

When I took a listening skills course with Seek Healing, I was surprised that my mind chatter went on as much as it did. It wasn’t surprising that there was chatter, but what was a revelation was that when listening to another person, the mind wanted to jump in and make its own story about what the person was sharing. The mind wants to give advice or help change the person’s situation or it wants to jump in with its own story that resonates with what is being said. It seems as though, we are not naturally able to stay present to the other person. And therefore, we need to take training in this very important skill.

When we are truly heard by another, we can actually hear ourselves better. The choices of asking the other person for reflection, empathy or advice, before sharing, gives us control over how we want our share to be received.

But is being heard and listening to another really that important? Let’s find out… When we are sharing something with a close friend (or for the brave ones, a close enemy), we are “perspective giving” and the person listening is “perspective receiving”.

When we give our perspective to another, they have a chance to get to know us, how we think, how we process things, and how we react. If the person listening can set aside the habitual mind patterns of problem solving, judging and wanting attention, then the person sharing can benefit from the interaction in a meaningful way.

On the other hand, the person listening can find new shifts in themselves as they listen without any agenda. This is very powerful and has been researched in high conflict scenarios where two parties who cannot agree on something can give and take perspective for better understanding of the problem they both share.

My hope is that we all expand and challenge ourselves to become better listener and receive the gift of being heard by people that matter to us. It may have the potential for deep healing and connection.

If you are curious and want to read more, there are some wonderful resources out there, here’s a few I found: 
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103112000297
https://www.psychreg.org/power-of-being-heard/
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